Custody Agreements…
This week past, I sat in on a family meeting with someone I love, to discuss a child’s guardianship- lawyers and all. I was not there to contribute or argue, but to provide moral support.
I suppose this kind of meeting is something that a lot of divorced parents go through, along with visits to court and so on, but this was a first for me.
I raised my son alone- with my family’s support of course- but I was a single parent. Long story short, when my son’s father and I broke up certain things transpired and I asked him and his family to stay away. We agreed that if I left them alone they’d leave us alone. No contact, no maintenance, no visits, no gifts.
They did what I asked. When my son was 19 he asked me to find his father, and I did. They now have a relationship and they are both happy.
I will forever be grateful that he and his family did as I asked, especially when I hear about the drama involved in trying to sort out maintenance and custody and and and!
But that’s not what I want to talk about in this post.
What I want to talk about here is the list of almost 40 agenda points that these people worked through.
Most of it was hectic legalese, and there seemed to be a lot of repetition, but at the end of it all they had come to an agreement on communication, finances, visitation… everything from agreeing to keep in contact with regard to special occasions at the child’s school, sharing school reports, protecting the child from neglect and abuse, and agreeing on when the child would spend time with which parent. They agreed that the child would have access to paternal and maternal extended family- cousins and grandparents and such. They agreed on which parent would cover what costs and exactly what would become of the child should something happen to one or both parents.
It was an astounding list. All aimed at looking after the best interests of the child. All legally binding once the document is signed off as a court order. In other words, if either party doesn’t hold up their end of the bargain they can be held in contempt of court.
I sat there listening to the meeting- listening to the lawyers talk, listening to them quell arguments before things could get really spiteful- and I wondered how many couples would even consider having children if they were made to sign a contract like this before doing so. If they knew they would be held in contempt of court for not caring for their children properly- and not only feeding and clothing them.
In so many homes children are neglected, abused, ignored, under nourished… and where children have everything they could possibly want or need, but they simply never see their father or mother.
Would people be more careful about procreation if a legal agreement like this was compulsory?
13 comments
You have no idea how timely this post is…I’ll fill you in when my head isn’t splitting.
P.S. I think a lot of people:
1) choose to live in LaLa Land and when are preparing to have a child w/another person don’t think things will ever go south so they’d sign it anyway
2) For the irresponsible/immature a potential contempt of court violation wouldn’t be a deterrant…wouldn’t let it be a reality to them in their own mind and would do it.
3) All the people you already approve of being a parent probably would sign it, too.
My heart is so heavy for the kids that never asked to be part of adults’ messy selfishness.
*deterrent
I do not know the age of these kids but I was in high school so I was my own adcovate because in all honesty my mom was all about screwing my dad over not my best interests she is still this way and i is tiring.
I’m quite happy that I didn’t have to go through something like this either Angel.
.-= Louisa´s last blog ..Say Cheeeeese! =-.
It’s heartbreaking, istn’t it, that the ones who bear the brunt of all the ugly when things go south between a couple, are the kids.
Makes me grateful every day for my David and for the man and father he is.
.-= MeeA´s last blog ..What Women Want =-.
Sounds very hectic and I think that one day this is also something I am going to have to do – give moral support to a very close sibling of mine and the way you describe it, it is not something I look forward too
To come back to your question: People break rules. I don’t think that a legal contract with the court will make any difference in how people look and take care of their children. People break rules, therefor they can and sometimes will break this legal contract too.
.-= blackhuff´s last blog ..What the difference between now and then =-.
Good post Angel
How is Damien? Tell him I said hi! Have him watch the cool videos I posted on my last entry haha
.-= phats´s last blog ..A day I will remember =-.
Lordy. Reading things like this makes me so grateful that The Ex and i split up peacefully. I think the difference in our case was that we were friends for 8 years before we jumped into the sack with each other.
We do have a parenting plan, signed and stamped by lawyers, but that’s more of a just-in-case than something we *had* to do to sort any crap out.
I think people are going to have kids no matter what society tries to do about raising awareness etc…
.-= MeganTS´s last blog ..The Mental Scars… =-.
I would definitely have thought twice about having kids if I had to sign this document beforehand.
Glad all got resolved though.
xx
.-= Julia´s last blog ..My name is Julia and I am a bookaholic =-.
Ag, this just makes me want to give mine an extra hug and the hubby too.
.-= cat@juggling act´s last blog ..A day on Aunty Tinas little farm =-.
I sincerely hope that I am never in this position. I pray that my family will stay together and that we will not have to endure these proceedings or put our precious child through this.
I think I would have signed the contract and I agree with a lot of the above comments about people signing things they do not understand.
I feel sad for both parents and children that have to endure these break ups. It really is an awful thing.
.-= acidicice´s last blog ..A momentous day! =-.
Its so shit when couples fight over kids or use kids as pawns. I am lucky Sean is so disinterested, the perfect non father who pays but isn’t part of our lives. Win-Win!